Brofist. So hard. I actually make a tumblr account specifically to respond to this.
I agree with absolutely everything you’ve said and it’s actually a huge weight off my chest to know that someone else seems to have an actual problem with all of this, quite frankly insane slash shipping. I could and at one point damn near have written essays on just how utterly idiotic this whole trend is.
The obsession some people have toward slash-shipping John is quite frankly disgusting. And it’s not because of the slash, I don’t give a fuck about slash. I don’t read it, but the amount of fucks I give about it is so minuet it would take a team of swiss scientists and a ten billion dollar atomic nanoscope to measure it accurately.
What I care about is that they’re trampling all over canonical character traits, personalities and relationships just to sate their insatiable lust for man-on-ass action. I’d even be willing to cut them some fucking slack if they actually deserved any, but no it’s always just pure wank material that slams two utterly incompatible characters together with all the subtlety and grace of a pair of runaway freight trains colliding head-on. Not that I can really blame them, anyone with the skill and time to actually do it right has better things to to, like cure cancer and invent the universe.
Just recently I spent 700 words exhaustively disproving the very concept of John/Dave and John/Karkat after some idiot on the AO3 provoked me. Tempted to go back and continue ranting because said idiot clearly didn’t learn a damn thing.